For all of the years my ex and I have known each other he still doesnt get it.  Bi Polar is a terrible disorder and when medication is found that relieves some of the symptoms it makes life wonderful.  A person on medication lives life as a person dealing with "real life".  Bi Polar people do live "real life" they just have to work a little harder at it.  It is hard when other people from this "real life" place see the glass as half emtpy in someones "real life" that has bi polar.  I dont know if this all makes sense but I am sure that people will find something wrong with this.  All I know is that if people really want to understand there is so much on the internet about it and I wish that they would.  I am living a much better life now that I ever have and I am not alone.  I have God watching over me and I have my family, which includes my dad.  He has really read about Bi Polar and is really trying to understand and deal with me a little better.  Not always though.  I would hope that people close to me would read about this and try and understand.

I am responding to my ex husbands post.  I just learned how to get the postings.  To let you know my dear ex, Bi polar is day to day.  No matter what medication I am on I am going to have bad days.  That was one day out of many and a lot was going on in my life and I was overwhelmed.  I also had just gotten home from my family which sometimes has a negative affect on me.  So please be happy that I have more good days on my own than bad ones.

I have been so depressed the last week.  I have been crying over nothing and I dont know why.  One thing not so good happened my families dog had to be put to sleep.   That was rough because I am so far from my Mom and I cant be there with her.  I will be going to see her next week.  I hope that I can shake this depression.  My boyfriend is trying so hard to cheer me up but it is deeper than that.  It comes from deep inside of me and I cant even touch it.  I hurt all over sometimes.  I dont want to do anything but I have to take care of Aaron so I keep moving.  I go to the doctor tomorrow so maybe if it is my meds they can fix them.  It hurts to even laugh.  I am listening to a song and that is what it said....boy does that fit.  I just want to be happy.  Just for a little while.  If anyone has any ideas please drop me a note.  Thanks

Today we went to the public defender for Christopher and she thinks he may have to do more jail time.  She said that the judge has been tough lately and she thinks that he may have to do 30 days minus the 6 that he has already done.

I am worried for him.  I am going to go to court with him on the 4th of August.  I want to be there for him.  Then I am going out of town.

I am going to my mom and dads for 5 days next month.  I am looking forward to seeing my mom.  My  dad is iffy.  He is really a pain in the a**.  He thinks he is all that and his you know what doesnt stink.

Keep me in mind over the next few weeks while we go through these things.  Thanks

I feel much better today.  Been under the weather.  Things are good with all of the kids and adults here in the house today.  Christopher is begining to not have a attitude and Aaron is really good today.  Ray and I are good.  He has had a rough time with me sick.  But we are good.  I am going on a vacation next month to see my family.  I am sort of looking forward to it.  My dad teases me mercifully and laughs thinks it is great so I am praying that he doesnt do that.  We are celebrating his birthday and my neices birthday on the 5th and a BBQ so it will be interesting to see.  He understands my illness so he has been really good to me.  Lets just hope that it continues.  Pray

  Much better day today.  Aaron worked with me and he was extremely happy today.  I kept busy online and croceting.  I was looking online for some type of agreement that Christopher and I could sign saying that he would get a job or go to school.  I think that I found it.  We shall see.

Tomorrow is going to be slow not much to do.  I took a nap today maybe I will take one tomorrow.  It was warm today so it was hard to sleep.  I slept really good last night.

I enjoyed talking to Roni last night, she cheered me up more than I thought I could have been.  She is the nicest person that I have met online.  She totally understands me and I really like that in her.

I hope that I hear from Seasun again.  I had Tarot cards read for me, something I have never done before, and they were right on the money.  It was spooky.  I dont usually believe in stuff like that but it interests me a lot.  Thank you to the lady who did it for me.

Well, I will write more tomorrow.

Today my youngest son who is disabled would not cooperate in anything.  He would not sit up while eating or bathing and it makes it really hard on me.  I got mad at him and then he would do as I ask for a minute.  I love him very much and I hate when he won't help me.  I hurt my back and I know that doesn't help at all so I am trying to be nice.

I forgot to take my medicine last night and I am feeling really weird today.  So that may be another reason why I am feeling angry at my son.  My oldest son just got home last night and now he is gone for the weekend.  At least I know that he is coming home tomorrow.

I hope tomorrow is better than today.  I hate feeling like this and I hate that I have to feel like this.

I am testing something....I hope it works

What a morning.  I got the best e mail from a wonderful woman, my pen pal.  She reminded me of how important I am to my children.  Sometimes I forget and then along comes someone like her.

Last night I spoke or should I say chatted with another penpal and she said a whole lot of nice things about me and to me.  She made me feel like I was okay and that I would be okay.  I wish I could feel like that all the time.

Today I am just cleaning up.  Washed the car and cleaned my room.  Pulled a muscle in my back so I am trying not to do much.

Thank you for all of you who read this.  Everyone have a blessed day.